We change.
Day by day, week by week, month by month, and so on.
Humans change. Sons and daughters of God, children and men and women, they all change.
I have changed a great deal these last few years in particular, but then my beautiful fiancee Taylor and my inspiring mother Patricia go through old baby pictures of me and I realize I am something entirely different than what I used to be.
How do we become comfortable with a new identity? What do we even do with ourselves?
(full disclosure: I am hungry right now, and that is probably causing this post to read more like sleepy ramblings; just roll with me while I talk these thoughts out.)
The answer? I think it is my choice. Everything is my choice (or everything of concern is my choice, at least). I acknowledge that pieces of me have stuck around for my entire life, pieces of me have fallen behind or been repressed in favor of other elements, and some parts are entirely new.
And then I choose.
I choose to write a blog post about these sensations with the goal of inspiring someone to introspect and improve their own lives.
I choose to prepare an interesting D&D module because I love sharing and creating great stories with friends.
I choose to plan a great day with my fiancee where we accomplish good work and draw close to fulfilling important goals.
I choose to go into work tomorrow and unite my whole outlook with the goals of the company, because anything less is just sad and ultimately less.
If I had to point to any major change in myself between my childhood and this version of Adam right now, it would be this: I no longer feel like a leaf floating with the wind. I realize more the range of choice, and my own power to choose, than ever before. That is terrifying for someone so used to finding a degree of happiness and fulfillment by simply riding the flow. This (life, and happiness, and fulfillment, and what I give to the world) is up to me. The responsibility to choose and become and act... well, my success is squarely in my hands.
I am changing into a man.
Thank goodness. This is the kind of person I needed to become in order to propose marriage to the love of my life, the powerful and beautiful Taylor, and I need to keep changing in order to be the best possible husband and someday father. This is a daunting and exciting challenge. That is why I have chosen the focus/resolution word challenge for 2017.
How have you changed? Think about it for a minute and appreciate how different you are from your time as a child. If you have existential thoughts similar to mine floating in your head, please share some of your story in the comments.
